Swine Flu Ettiquette

I'm at a loss here. I really don't know how to handle this whole Swine Flu thing - sorry, H1N1, see? I've already broken protocol and offended the pigs. Here's the deal. I'm really not that worried about the flu, but the rest of the world sure seems to be. So when a friend mentioned that she was going to individually wrap the orange slices for her son's lacrosse game this weekend, my immediate reaction was, "WHAT?!" Guess what I did before soccer on Saturday? Yup, I filled a whole bunch of little plastic baggies with orange slices so that the soccer kids wouldn't have to dip into a communal bin of germ-ridden citrus. To be honest, I was thinking more about the parents than the kids. I thought they'd be appreciative of my efforts. The net of it was that barely anyone even ate my oranges (I think the whole baggie thing threw the kids off) and the parents couldn't have cared less about any of it. So now I'm probably the weirdo soccer mom, but whatever.

Then today at church the priest announced that shaking hands at peace time was going to be optional. Oh, come on. Just say we shouldn't do it. Now I have to sit there and decide if I should offend my pew-neighbors by extending my hand for a hand shake, or offend them by not shaking their germy hands... Should I just look down? Rifle frantically through my purse for an imaginary object? I did what any of you would have done - used my kid as a distraction. Works every time. I've learned how to make Ellie fidget exactly when and where I need her to. After mass I asked Mike what he did (we learned long ago to separate the kids during church), and he told me that he selectively shook hands. Love it! Is profiling in church less PC than offending the pig population?